judgementalbiotch – Not Your Mommy's Blog Cute tagline here. Tomorrow. Tue, 24 Sep 2019 18:02:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.3 Wow. /wow/ /wow/#comments Tue, 15 Nov 2016 19:15:22 +0000 /?p=1859 Soooo…it’s been quite a week. Anybody else make the mistake of taking their daughter voting last week? “Nevermind! Turns out the country is a lot more sexist that we thought.” Whew! Glad I’m not the only one who screwed that up.

My 9 year-old cried bewildered tears Wednesday. This was a very black and white issue for her, and she is a sensitive soul. Naturally, I felt like crap for having exposed her to needless sadness. I just really, really thought she would value being able to tell her kids that she was there, for this important day. She pushed the button. Yes, I’m that idealistic. Wednesday morning we explained that, though it seems like people liked the bully more than the smart girl, there are many other things going on, and she was safe. I wish every mom could have been able to say that, Wednesday morning.

Policy, anti-establishment sentiment, those damn emails – these were all cited as justifications to vote for Donald Trump. Unfortunately, the multitudes cared more about those justifications than about saying “NO” to racism, sexism and a whole host of other crap we shouldn’t allow out of basic human decency. The prevalence of that mindset was not something I could previously conceive of in my NPR-listening, blue state-living, white, middle-class, privileged bubble. I didn’t realize that so many people actually thought policy was more important than people. Holy crap, America.

Thinking as a parent, since this is a parenting blog (most of the time), I’m offering the following: No, Clinton was not an ideal candidate with an ideal track record. There are NONE OF THOSE. They don’t exist. Ok, maybe Justin Trudeau. #dreamy The problem is that in this election we have journeyed past politics. We are now disassembling basic morality for our children. Think about what we teach kids: You treat people the way you want to be treated. You take care of people. You welcome new friends. Your body is yours alone, it is a good thing, and it should be respected. How about the one preschool teachers keep on repeat, all day: “Keep your hands to yourself!” Dear Donald, “grabbing” means you are doing it wrong. 

Not to mention the tired old slogan, “Girls can do anything boys can do.” *sigh* Hang on, girls. Change comes slow, but it does come. Look at where we started.

Speaking of girls, as Clinton was on Wednesday: “And — and to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams.” Forget the sadness that we have to state that at all. “Valuable” is my favorite word, here. I’m still more of a believer in the social commentary and symbolism of this election than in specifically electing Hillary Clinton – remember, I just wanted a girl to win, for once. I just thought this was immensely cool to hear. They knew, she knew, that little girls had serious stock in this election. And she asked them to hang on, too.

You know what else was cool? A friend of a friend of mine made a beautiful design of the above quote, and posted it on Facebook. I shared it, and the designer was kind enough to send me the high resolution version. I grabbed a frame, and this actually cheered my kid up. She moved a My Little Pony art project off the wall to make room for this! This was important stuff!!

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Thank you to Nataliemcguiredesign.com for this lovely print. You do good work, girl!

Moving forward, I’m choosing to be hopeful and expect the best from people, including President-Elect Trump and his future cabinet appointees. I’m going to repeat the closing of my previous post. I’m praying it’s still true, though now it refers to a different “someone”. We’ve done enough of tearing people down. It’s my fervent hope as a mom and teacher that tomorrow our nation will raise up someone who will makes it their job to raise up others.

Also, I’m posting a link to a wonderful article containing the names of non-profits. If you liked this post, chances are you will find one whose ideals you agree with. If you’re feeling powerless in the wake of last week, and looking for something to do to feel more empowered, donating to any of these amazing charities is a great way to feel like you, too, are valuable.

Click here for the list of charities. Thank you.

 

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Alice and Sexy Cheeseburger /alice-and-sexy-cheeseburger/ /alice-and-sexy-cheeseburger/#comments Mon, 17 Oct 2016 17:45:58 +0000 /?p=1810 This ad just makes me sad. I can’t find it on Youtube, but ispot has it up here.  I’ll break it down for you. (Sorry about the play buttons in the middle up of the photos – I screen-capped the video.) Don’t mind me including my own voice-over.

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“OMG, aren’t we totes adorbs as Sexy Queen of Hearts, Sexy Mad Hatter and Sexy…Jenny, what are you, a Red Riding Hood/Wolf hybrid? Whatevs, we’re cute.”

 

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“OMG WHAT is that Alice chick wearing? She looks… Like she works… At the deli.”
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“OMG u guys we can NOT let her trick or treat with us, she is blowing our whole “Sexy Literary Character” vibe.”
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“OMG she’s transforming! Is that the new Bright Idea Illuminating Stick from NYX Cosmetics?”
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“OMG! That satin bustier = totes adorbs!”

 

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“OMG u guys, we r🔥!”

Yes, these are (very young) adults and not teenage girls. However, teens are going to see this ad and assume it’s for them. They just are. Just like when we started reading Seventeen magazine at 13. Or was I the only one sneaking peeks at that at the dentist’s office?

Yes, this is a commercial for a costume store. Of course they’re going to show homemade costumes in an unfavorable light. They want you to plunk down $40 for an Alice in Sluttyland outfit, not make it at home!

Yes, Sexy Witch, Sexy Cop, and Sexy Pirate are your results when Googling Women’s costumes. Actually, I Googled “top women’s costumes” and got Sexy Cleopatra, Sexy Oktoberfest Girl, and – no lie – Sexy Freddy Krueger.

But: I do not like this ad, Party City. Besides perpetuating the Sexy Halloween epidemic, it’s just mean. I want to hug poor Alice. She does not deserve ostracization just because of a half-assed outfit. Actually, let me rephrase that: She does not deserve ostracization JUST BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT HAVE HALF HER ASS HANGING OUT. This makes me sad. It also makes me really, really proud that my daughters are going as Hermione Granger and a werewolf.  However, the sexy costumes are here to stay. So, in the spirit of embracing modern Halloween…

Submitted for your approval: My favorite “Sexy Halloween Costumes That Didn’t Need to Be Sexified”.  I will take votes as to which one I should buy and wear while I walk my kids around in suburbia.

deviledeggs
“Sexy Deviled Eggs”

 

cheeseburger
‘Sexy Cheeseburger”

 

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“Sexy Dorothy Fish from Elmo’s World”

 

yoda
“Sexy Yoda”

 

olaf
“Sexy Olaf”

And, sorry, but you can’t un-see this one…

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“Sexy Donald Trump”

I’ll take your votes in the comments.

Also, if your kid is going as something you’re particularly proud of this year, share it here! 

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War on Thanksgiving? /war-on-thanksgiving/ /war-on-thanksgiving/#comments Tue, 24 Nov 2015 23:00:08 +0000 /?p=1613 We have RULES in this family, dammit. There are certain expectations for all of us. We must uphold our values, no matter how societal pressures influence us. These restrictions are hard and fast and non-negotiable.

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I am exaggerating. A little. But a certain sisterly person of mine…she better watch.

You can do whatever you like in your own house, of course. And if I don’t like a store’s policy of putting out Christmas decor or playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving, I don’t need to shop there. Oh wait, it’s Target and Walmart mostly, so yes, I do. But anyway. If it makes people happy, who am I to want them to delay their happiness?

However, I want to get up on my non-tinseled soapbox and explain why there is no Christmas music or decorations in my house before the turkey has had his due.

  • Because I love Christmas. I love it so very much, and I don’t want it to lose its meaning or specialness by stretching it out earlier and thinner.
  • I have an almost spiritual relationship with Christmas music (said the corniest dork in the world) and I don’t want to hate it because I hear it too much. Please. Occupational hazard: We music teachers start our Christmas concert rehearsals in September. Ugh.
  • It’s not “the most wonderful time of the year” if it’s like 1/4 of the calendar.
  • The pushing-it-earlier thing really seems to be mostly about consumerism. You can see this in the big controversy of whether stores should be open for Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving. I vote “no”, but with gratitude for anyone who is there for me to buy Tums or cooking supplies I forgot to get the day before. Love you. Hope you get off early. 
  • The giving part of Christmas isn’t emphasized in the earliness much, it seems. I’ve seen lots of ads for flat screens and toys, but not one Salvation Army bell ringer person yet. We have taken gift suggestions off the giving tree at work, though.
  • Remember the “War on Christmas”? I also embrace it as a cultural holiday that doesn’t need to have anything to do with religion, if you want to tar and feather me for that while we’re here. Shouldn’t we be outraged about a lack of (Christian, or whatever) gratitude?

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  • My BIG (hippie, buzz-kill, left-wing, Scrooge) reason: This is very “Ugly American” to me. We are sweeping under the rug the holiday in which we celebrate the cooperation with and gratitude towards the native people who made it possible for European settlers to, oh, I don’t know, not DIE, and the only holiday for pausing to recognize that we are SO. DAMN. LUCKY to be alive and well. We should push for more GIVING in the “Thanksgiving”, too. I’m working on that in my own home this year, slowly but surely, I swear.

All of that is some important S#*T!  That is not Christmas Part 1!! I go on little rants about this to my own children and they stare blankly and think I’m weird. 

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In your own home, you should do what you want. I will roll my eyes when I drive by your tree-filled window, and you can roll your eyes at this post. Whatevs. Nobody is over here telling me when to do stuff. Except the smoke alarms. The fire department is pretty keen on us checking those every time we celebrate Daylight Savings. 

Christmas is awesome. There are traditions and parties and special moments that are like yearly spiritual renewing in our busy lives. It’s a connection to our childhood and a stepping stone into the future as we build traditions with our kids that they will remember just as fondly.

But we owe it to the universe to emphasize the importance of truly counting our blessings first. That’s all.

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Op/Ed: Children’s Music /oped-childrens-music/ /oped-childrens-music/#comments Mon, 31 Aug 2015 19:51:09 +0000 /?p=1327 I’m writing this post on my phone, at a 5 & under children’s playplace. Don’t pity me too much. I’m the only parent hanging in the nice little seating area. I have my Dunkin. I have my shoes off. I’m not crawling through tunnels to rescue a screamer who’s too scared to go down the slide (anymore). It’s kind of nice, except for one small issue:

MY EARS ARE BLEEDING.

The ceiling speakers are loudly playing a list that alternates between Laurie Berkner, The Wiggles, and Kidz Bop. I don’t hate Laurie. I will after our two hours here. But the rest of it is pretty much creating a “Kill. Me. Now.” situation over here on the Uninvolved Mommy benches. And that’s just unnecessary. 

Disclaimer: I am an elementary music teacher. I’m not going to pretend that 12 years of this (awesome) job automatically makes me an expert in children’s music. Parenthood will do that for  you just fine, anyway. It does, however, make me opinionated about the subject. There is experience, research, and Master classes talking here. And they’re opinionated too.#sorrynotsorry

Parents, teachers, child-centered businesses, I beseech you: Play actual music for your children. Please.

Kidz Bop is only good for elementary school pep rallies when you want to seem cool enough to play music the kids will recognize, but not lose your job from parental complaints. There’s nothing wrong with pop – I love it. But I think it’s better to play the actual artist whenever you can. If you can’t, there’s a good chance the song isn’t a fabulous pick for kids anyway, even edited with words that rhyme with the objectionable stuff and vocals by (what sounds like) freaky castrati.

Laurie Berkner does some nice stuff; a few covers of folk songs and mostly songs about kid stuff. I like her acoustic approach and she’s a decent vocal model for children (they can match her voice and sing along). But it all sounds pretty much the same and I can’t take more than 15 minutes without wanting to go all Pete Townsend on her guitar. 

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And screw the Wiggles. Just screw ’em. I’ve been here for an hour and if one of those mates showed up to give a free concert it would take all my self control not to kick him Down Under. 

Please: Play decent recordings of folks songs. Put on “classical” (instrumental) music. There is a ton out there (See below) that is lively and engaging, the perfect sound track to imaginative play. Mix that up with pop songs that *gasp* YOU like, as long as you think they’re ok for your kids to hear.

Here’s a great CD set for this instrumental music that’s got some oomph:

Music for Creative Movement“, GIA public (click the title to find the CD on sale).

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Play music that was written for the sake of Music, not to give children something kiddie friendly to listen to. There is already so much music out there for them.

That said, I’m sure there’s some newer ones out there, but here are my favorite “children’s” albums with as little ear bleeding as possible:

“Here Come the ABCs” by They Might Be Giants

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Any of Sandra Boynton’s full book albums

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“Snack Time” by the Barenaked Ladies

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I realize this list is pretty dated. My kids are 8 and 5, and their mommy has Spotify. (We don’t buy full kids albums anymore.)

What are some of your favorites? Have you banned any albums from your home or car?

Have you ever fantasized about dropping a certain Australian singing group to the playroom floor?

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And Forgive Us Our Trespasses /and-forgive-us-our-trespasses/ /and-forgive-us-our-trespasses/#comments Sat, 27 Jun 2015 03:21:01 +0000 /?p=1211 Hubby and I used to have an on-going joke about the Lord’s Prayer. We would snicker and/or poke each other when the debts or trespasses thing went by in the middle. Because we’re very reverent people, clearly. Actually it was because we had two different churchy-upbringings, and we disagreed about whether the line is “forgive us our debts” or “forgive us our trespasses”. It is trespasses. Sounds way cooler. God would agree. 

We don’t do this much anymore, because we don’t go to church anymore. More about that at a later date.

Because I spent the last post judging other people for the petty and annoying crap they do, #judgementalbiotch, I will now list (some of) my postable transgressions. Rest assured there are many, many more. You are not learning about them.

  • The skin on the outside (and inside) of my nose gets dry and itchy. I totally pick. Deal with it.
  • When I am in a meeting or grad class and I am supposed to be working or taking notes on a laptop, at least half the time I’m not really working or taking notes. #Facebook
  • I speed. Like, always.
  • I am still (I think?) supposed to eat a very low sodium diet, and I totally cheat when I feel like it. #heartcrap
  • I make fun of what other people name their children. Sometimes. Just the dumb names, though. Yours are beautiful.
  • I make fun of children. Although they are still better than many adults.
  • That “red wine is good for you” thing is my new favorite medical tidbit, and “special occasions”, where I am allowed to consume various other alcohols happen so often that they can’t possibly be that special.
  • Screw singing the ABC’s; often I wash my hands for only like 5 seconds and dry them on my hair. (Wetting it down discourages the frizz.)
  • I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be drinking so much coffee. But nobody wants to see how that story ends, so I conveniently forget to ask about that every time I see my doctor.
  • I swear a lot.
  • I know that I should keep cash in my wallet for the collection for this, and the collection for that, but I never manage to keep cash in my wallet.
  • I yell at my kids for their messy rooms, but mine generally has crap all over the floor.
  • The 5 second rule applies around friends and family, but around strangers, I pretend like I’d throw it away no matter what, for germs & stuff’s sake. But if nobody is around…eh.
  • For social reasons, I pretend to care about a lot of stuff that I actually don’t. But I believe that’s called “Being an Adult”, so again…eh.
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People Who Judge People /people-who-judge-people/ /people-who-judge-people/#comments Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:32:36 +0000 /?p=1206
  • People who make you wait behind them while they back into parking spaces. Explain to me how it’s easier, please?
  • People who drive slowly in the left lane. It is called the “passing lane”,  not the “I like this lane better so who cares about the driver behind me who just wants to pass” lane. 
  • People who take more than 2 minutes to order at a drive thru. You are eating fast food. Please don’t over think it.
  • People who complain about politicians, but don’t vote.  I know….but find the lesser of two evils. Or write-in Leslie Knope.
  • People who park their grocery cart in the middle of the aisle and wander far away from it.
  • People who give their child a very unusual name or name spelling, and get ticked when it’s mispronounced. It’s fine, but you asked for it. Be patient. 
  • People who blast their music through open car windows. I like bass, too. MY song’s bass.
  • People who first demand an explanation of a poor grade from the teacher, not their kid.
  • People who drop major swear bombs in public when they know children are present. I may not have the cleanest mouth either, but $&%*# you, it’s my choice when my kid hears that word. 
  • People who say, “Must be nice to have the whole summer off!” to teachers. It’s sad how someone forbade you from becoming a teacher when you were choosing a career. Oh, you wanted better pay and no kids all day long? Must be nice. 
  • People who post vague Facebook statuses so that other people will ask them what’s wrong.
  • People who have not yet figured out the whole “turn signal” thing. You see, there’s a magic stick – right there by your steering wheel! It lets other drivers know what direction your crazy butt is turning, so they don’t hit you! Try it!
  • People who judge other people. (Oops…)
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    To be continued. (Preview: I am not perfect.)

    (I know. You’re shocked.)

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    Under New (Behavior) Management? /under-new-behavior-management/ /under-new-behavior-management/#comments Sat, 15 Nov 2014 15:38:21 +0000 /?p=831 So, I let the elder offspring give this letter to her teacher:

    teacherletter (2)

    Parents, teachers, and friends, I need you to tell me what you think of that move.

    Here’s the background:

    I have the feeling that my kid has been put in the ‘rough’ class several times now, probably because she can fend for herself academically and assertively.  Talking to parents whose children are in other classes in my daughter’s grade has confirmed it: They’re having a lot more fun. There’s always a ‘rough’ class. How do you know if your kid has landed there this year? Count the rings under her teacher’s eyes. 

    But it’s a teacher conflict too. We all have a story about that teacher, who seemed miserable and possibly scared the #$%@ out of us in grade school. Mine had a foot-shaped hole in the tile floor where it was rumored she had screamed and stomped her foot so hard that it Broke. The. Floor. She supposedly left it that way as a grim reminder to future students that things could get UGLY. 

    The elder offspring’s 2nd grade teacher has decided that whole-class punishment is her classroom management tactic. Several times now, all the kids have missed recess as punishment for bad behavior. Yes, like when we were in school. Although for me, that was the 80’s and I don’t remember much of this happening. 

    Although I (empty) threaten individual students with this consequence sometimes (actually quite effective), I disagree with this policy on several levels:

    1. Though occasionally necessary, regularly punishing the whole group is unfair and bad for morale.

    2. These are 7 year-olds. They need recess. If you make the mistake of keeping 7 year-olds from running outside and being crazy, you might as well feed Gremlins after midnight, because that’s what you’re gonna get. 

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    Cute before you make a giant mistake. Just like 2nd graders. It will be a loooong afternoon.

    The kid has been a little down about this. I am extremely tempted to be that mom and email the teacher, questioning her policy and telling her my kid doesn’t like school. It’s not the academics. It’s not for lack of friends. It’s this feeling that she’s in a “bad class”, that needs to be punished all the time. Additionally, a few times her librarian has also denied the whole class the chance to take out new books, because of ‘bad behavior’ in library class.

    So one (tearful) night the elder offspring was bemoaning her class’s situation. I asked her if she was very, very sure that she was not part of the problem. She may have inherited my inability to shut up in class, how do I know? I suggested that she do something more productive than complaining to Mommy, like writing a R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ful letter. Writing is her thing, and mine. With email and texting and handwritten words like that above, you can think about how to phrase important things…as opposed to the “word vomit” that usually comes out of my mouth. #meangirlsreference This way, I could monitor her, uh, “tone”, too.

    I let the kiddo give that letter to her teacher, and she got no response. For what it’s worth, that day they had recess but the next day, they missed it again. As a teacher who has been questioned many times by parents myself, the next-to-last thing I want to do is undermine another educator. I’m playing it cool and wondering exactly how bad this class really is, till conferences. I can’t wait to hear the teacher’s side of the story.  It’s not that big a deal; this may just be the year my daughter isn’t in love with school. Or, I may have to grow some Mommy balls.

    The last thing I want, of course, is for my kid to hate school. At least until she has to take Calculus. Then it’s genetically inevitable. 

    So, I’m curious: (Comments very appreciated!)

    • What do you think of the policy?

    • What do you think of the letter?

    • What would you ask at conference time, if this were your kid?

     

     

     

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    Spotify and the Music Streaming “Problem” /spotify-and-the-music-streaming-problem/ /spotify-and-the-music-streaming-problem/#comments Sat, 08 Nov 2014 07:07:27 +0000 /?p=791 Taylor Swift  made news this week by pulling her entire catalog of music from Spotify.

    “…I just don’t agree with perpetuating the perception that music has no value and should be free”, says Ms. Swift in the Us Weekly article linked above.  

    Oh, Taylor. You have it so very wrong. The model for the production and consumption of music is changing forever, and your attempt to drag your collection of work backward in time is, though as willful and valiant as a toddler stomping her foot, cute but pointless.

    A statement from Swift’s Op/Ed piece from the New York Times, suggests that streaming artists’ work is “taking the music out of the music industry”. I respectfully disagree. I pay for the music streaming service of Spotify every month, and every month I listen to literally HUNDREDS of pieces of music I would never have been exposed to, because of the streaming model of music consumption.  Small-time, local groups have their music on Spotify, right along with the big boys. No corporate radio station or giant record label is deciding what I hear; I am. I can get suggestions from (real, live) friends I follow and who follow me on Spotify, based on what we listen to daily. (My Spotify username is megderrico.) Practically any and all songs, and several covers of each, are at my fingertips. Phone, car stereo, or home computers are able to play whatever song, list, or mood music I’d like, constantly. I’ve never felt so gratified as a listener, musically speaking.

    Poor Taylor; Honey, embrace it. Cause they’re just gonna download you anyway. Or, they’ll skip you altogether and listen to Selena Gomez. 

    To prove my point, I’ll share my relationship to the music streaming industry:

    First of all, there are many other music streaming services. There’s iTunes radio for you fanboys. There’s iheartardio and Pandora, if you want a certain sound but don’t care about the wonder of The Playlist. I do. There’s Google Play and Grooveshark, to name a few more. I have used all these services and then some, and as it stands now Spotify wins, hands down.

    As it is the addiction I have chosen from the above list, I DO pay Spotify for my music consumption. Subscriber music services charge a monthly fee and pay a royalty for each time a user plays a song. Whether they pay enough is debatable. As a (sort of) musician myself, I vote NO. But I’m not going to ask them to charge me more at the moment. I am a part-time graduate student at West Chester University, so with all that loveliness and part-time stress, I get the Spotify student rate of $4.99 a month. To me this seems almost criminal. The regular Spotify montly rate is $9.99.

    spotify

    Screen shot of the program on a user’s computer.  I don’t know who they are, but if I could read the print I’d probably playlist stalk them.

    In contrast to “radio” streaming services, you can create playlists on Spotify (and Google Play, and others), by searching for and dragging titles. Now remember, I have an addiction. This is not just convenient for making the perfect party playlist. I have dozens of lists, ranging from mood lists that include “Pissed” and “Quiet”, to more functional ones like my “Jog”, “Cleaning Lady”, or “Alto Part is Better”. (For this last one,  you generally get female soprano vocals and me singing along in the car to the imaginary Alto part I make up in my head when NPR gets boring.) I also have “Guilty Pleasures” which includes some Meatloaf (I secretly love the songwriter Jim Steinman – tell no one!) and “Never Sick Of” (self-explanatory, of course). There’s also “Weird Al Inspirations” – for each song I have the original, then his version. I also have a whole folder of lists for my kids, some seasonal stuff, and the lists that Spotify publishes like “New Music Tuesday” that introduce you to new releases. I also subscribe to my friends’ lists and music-stalk them.

    Then there’s the monthly lists… I have had monthly playlists running for back for years, even before Spotify was a thing. Remember Zune? Some songs return almost every month, earning them a place on the “Never Sick Of” list. At the start of each month I copy over from one month to the next only songs I am not tired of hearing. Then I go check into a few oldies, visit a few other genres, and perhaps put a few pieces that remind me of what I was doing that time of year, years ago. Hello, bad high school music. November  2014 is not my best work, but I’ll share it below anyway.

    Then there is Tom Waits’ “Picture in a Frame”, which has been making the rotation for over two years, I think. Why so stuck in this song rut? Because you can hear the piano bench creak and the sax solo is so simple yet perfect and yes, Willie Nelso did it first but Tom’s voice gives you the roughened but tender side of the narrator who is just now realizing that he’s fallen for someone, and…Ok I’ll stop. It’s right here…

    Tom Waits: “Picture in a Frame”


    I have never laid hands on a Tom Waits album, and don’t I intend to. I feel absolutely no need to physically own this beautiful song. Nor do I need to own  Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”. What? It’s on the “Guilty Pleasures” list, and I know every last word of those 8 minutes and 30 seconds. A friend can post about a song on Facebook and I can immediately look it up and fall in love with it. I can pull up a song for my students instantaneously. “Hey Meg, do you have any Chinese music we can play for the kids?” Why, yes I do. Want to hear what Mahler’s 1st symphony or The White Stripes sound like? I can have them whenever I want them, and that’s the point. This may be old news to some, but I’m still having a total What-An-Age-We-Live-In moment. Artists who haven’t embraced the streaming movement haven’t gotten the point yet.

    In general, Spotify and businesses like it are perfect for us annoying music consumers who adore one or two songs of an artists’ repertoire but can’t commit to saying, “I LOVE Tom Waits, I have all his music.” Have you heard anything else by Tom Waits? Little scary, some of it. However, Tom is still getting something every time “Picture” comes up on one of my lists. As he should.

    So to be blunt, Taylor Swift, young and fresh as she may seem, needs to get with the times. Like it or not, something so wonderful can’t possibly be going away. Especially in light of the entertainment world moving towards TV and movie streaming.  It’s here, and it’s staying. We are consumers who demand instant gratification, after all.

    SO, Taylor, do these sound like the words of someone who does not value music? I would certainly pay more for this gift, if that’s necessary. It might help me cut back. Sometimes I’m basically a prettier version of John Cusack from High Fidelity, just making the perfect mix tape.

    FpyZ6

    Now, to further bare my soul, here are some playlist snippets for you. You can scroll through the songs on the little widget here, but  NO JUDGING ME – THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.
    November 2014 List: Work in progress. Already I acknowledge the total absence of instrumentals on this list. I’ll get right on that.

    Edit: I should not post after midnight. Can’t believe  I didn’t share “Never Sick Of”.  Tell Fitz and the Tantrums I’m very sorry, please.


    And the “Guilty Pleasures” list. There’s actually much more to add here, too.

    Comment below about how you get your music fix, and your thoughts about the industry’s direction. Or, your playlist. I always need new stuff to listen to!

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    Baby Poser /baby-poser/ /baby-poser/#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2014 20:00:05 +0000 /?p=372 Because I’m awful… But so are these.

    Enjoy…

    baby15

    Moments later, baby Emily was tragically crushed by the ostrich returning to its nest.

    baby11

    Sure, but if a grown man wears this cute outfit, everybody assumes he’s a stripper.

    babyedit2

    Because she wanted the happy, incident-free life of Daisy Buchanan.

    baby16

    The bow says “I’m Mommy’s princess!”, but the face says “No more Jager for me…”

    baby14

    Red Fraggle wore it better.

    baby13

    If God didn’t want us to wrap the baby in masking tape, he shouldn’t have made him so damn wiggly.

    baby10

    You realize “Black Swan” is not a children’s movie, right?

    baby9

    Now I’ll just take out this trash…

    baby8

    Get me a Mai Tai, biotch.

    baby7

    Oh yeah. This looks totally safe.  #babyslingshot

    baby6

    What a fun way to mortify the kid before he’s even born!

    baby5

    baby4

    “Mommmmm, that damn stork dumped another one!”

    baby3

    First of all, screw you, that you looked this good while pregnant.  And where are you hanging this tasteful work of art, exactly? Men’s bathroom?

    baby2

    This would be a better metaphor if the husband had a baseball bat and an OB/GYN had that glove. Homerun!

    baby1

    Did you guys leave your shirts at the hospital?

    baby12

    Disclaimer: I have done stupid stuff like this, including matchy Halloween costumes and digitally scrapbooked greeting cards.  But I didn’t paint baseball stitches on my tummy, so…winning.

    Besides, what else am I gonna do on Pinterest, find kiddie crafts? Ok, I have done that too.  Actually I love Pinterest, and not for the recipes. My board of infantile snark is called “Baby Poser: Bad Baby Photography”, username is Meggyrd.

    10 points if you tell me your favorite one.

    20 if you give it a new caption. GO!

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    To the Moms of Many, I’m sorry… /to-the-mommies-of-many-im-sorry/ /to-the-mommies-of-many-im-sorry/#comments Sun, 21 Sep 2014 14:42:22 +0000 /?p=23 …for thinking you’re batsh*t crazy.

    In the past, I would occasionally witness women I knew, with three or more children, go on to become pregnant with their fourth or fifth. I wrongly assumed that, though I may like and respect this woman, she had one or more of the following major problems:

    • Her health insurance didn’t cover birth control.
    • Her husband was an heinous neanderthal who was trying to keep her in the kitchen, barefoot, and etc.
    • She was trying to catch up with Michelle Duggar.
    • She was totally batsh*t! crazy.

    I know. I said in the title, I’m sorry. 

    Obviously she couldn’t watch all of those kids at the mall, the playground, and throughout their little paths in life! How could she be so unfair to her older children, saddling them with the caretaking of one or more babies?  And how could she leave her little one in the care of *gasp!* upper elementary-aged kids?  I know children in this age group who couldn’t keep a pet rock alive.  Most tragic of all, how could she do that to herself? Doesn’t she want a life of her own? A moment for her?? So sad.

    However, viewing the larger family from the 70’s Mom goggles,  I realized…I’m an idiot.

    One day at the playground I was talking to a mom with four, count ’em, FOUR kids…double my count. WOW, four! And the youngest was under 1 year old. And she wanted more someday. “How cool!” I said. “How the hell are you even able to stand here talking to me?” I thought. “Lack of sleep has made you delirious, you poor woman.”

    I then noticed that her older kid was helping her baby down the slide, way over there. They both seemed fine. The baby made it down the slide alive. The two middle kids were…somewhere. It was a big playground. It’s not like I could pinpoint my own offspring’s whereabouts at that moment either. But I only had two.  My new mommy friend wasn’t even looking around. Dang, the confidence.

    playground

    Playgrounds: A real-life ‘Where’s Waldo’ adventure for your 30’s. Go.

    Several generations ago, the older children caring for the younger ones was not only normal, it was survival. Kids were, to be blunt, actually useful. While I’m not suggesting we repeal child labor laws, the change in attitude is something to think about. Only since the invention of leisure time and “Parenting Experts” are children are commodities to be guarded and helped through life. Before that time we needed them to make the family run.

    The good 70’s Mom would probably understand that rather than precious flowers to shield, kids are clay that we’re to mold into big, helpful, productive, self-sufficient people. Yes, I just did the MommyBlog “kids-are-clay” metaphor. Blech.  First and last time, I swear. Kids will, no doubt, need the skill of caregiving in their bag of tricks someday. We are all caregivers at one point. Likewise, that baby on the slide over there will also learn that care comes from other places, besides Mommy. Mommy will therefore be able to hang with a new friend at the playground and sip her coffee.

    Oh.

    I’m sorry, Moms of Many, I didn’t know.

    Also, please accept my condolences on what I’m assuming must be an epic laundry situation at your house.

    piles-of-laundry

    At least until you train the oldest to do it. Wa ha ha.

    (Dear 7 year old…you have until you can reach the dials on the machine.) 

    Parents of all-size families: Do you ever feel like your choice of child # is being questioned?

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